Kathryn's eulogy at Jean's funeral

Dear all,

This is Kathryn's eulogy as far as she can remember it, which she dedicated to Jean at her funeral.

Kathryn is Ross's ex-wife and knew Jean for some decades.

JEAN BENBOW

Jean was feisty, robust, impulsive, strong willed, determined, energetic, funny, contemplative, skilled, hardworking – and unique. Some of her expressions are well known to us.

We’ve sampled “German stew” and many slices of “Double Mary” (a cake recipe bequeathed by an acquaintance, Mary, but, in Jean’s case, the quantities doubled of course).

She shared several of her recipes with me. In one the method went this way; “You add …., then beat the living daylights out of it!”

Surprising, and not especially useful, directions given to a city slicker were; “When you reach X’s cow shed then it’s 16 chain further north!”

Jean, of course, was a rock hound.

She loved telling her “bones stories”  Once I thought she was talking about a close neighbour only to find out that the person had died in the 1800s and was one of her “bones”.

Jean, Gwen, Ollie and Cynthia treasured the close relationships they shared with each other – more like loving sisters and loved friends rather than just sisters-in-law.  These women supported each other through some very tough times, celebrated with each other often joyfully and enjoyed great belly laughs together over cuppas.  Their relationships were expressed through generous, loving kindness and gutsy, practical care, being there for each other in whatever ways they could, even when distance separated them.

Jean loved the outdoors and was a skilled gardener, a legacy that was passed down to her from her mother and, in turn, she has bequeathed a feel for the environment, plants and soils to her children.  Jean didn’t “do gardening” – she was a gardener who worked in partnership with the many different environments that she lived with.  No two gardens were alike but plants flourished and were  beautiful due to her knowledge, touch and hard work.

Her passion for her gardens was evident when we visited Jean and Fred. Before we’d even said “Hello” Jean and Ross would disappear for a couple of hours to inspect and discuss each plant’s progress, diagnose and recommend action and only then was it time to come inside.  Similar rituals occurred when my mother and Jean caught up with each other – they would disappear into their gardeners’ heaven for hours.

There was another first night ritual on our family visits to the Gorae West Benbow home. Kids would be fed and put to bed, dinner was served and Jean washed the dishes while tea was still in progress.  Dishes and cutlery were whipped away to be washed before you’d swallowed your last mouthful.  IT WASN’T EXACTLY RESTFUL, BUT IT WAS EFFICIENT!  Fred would then move to the lounge and seat himself on the beanbag in front of the TV, the glass doors were closed, then began the real purpose of the day.  The round up of the “goss” from the town took place around the kitchen table, broken only for a short intermission for supper and cuppas, and when Fred appeared and growled, “Aren’t you coming to bed?”  Those sessions were not for the fainthearted, they’d go until two or three in the morning!  And when they got onto politics -!  I called them “The Razor Gang” because they shredded politicians’ reputations.

Many of us have enjoyed wearing garments – socks, jumpers, cardigans – valiantly knitted by Jean in limited light at times, while Fred, hatted, sat on his beanbag to protect his eyes from the powerful glare of the standard lamp!

[Jean was also a good embroiderer, and smocked beautiful nighties for Nicholas and Anna when they were bubs.]

Music was in Jean’s bloodsteam but she was very particular with her likes and dislikes.  At times she found solace playing hymns on her organ for hours.

When Fred needed nursing care at home, Jean found a bittersweet comfort in her new role.  She had always wanted to be a nurse and finally her dream had come true, although not in the way she hoped for nor expected.  She found a new dignity and purpose, and even joy, in the midst of hard and often quite difficult work, and she was a top nurse – compassionate, skilled and confident.

She lives on in so many stories, so many rich memories, we could go on for ever …… those you hold are just as important as these ……

THANK YOU JEAN.

Kathryn Richards

20th May, 2014